I read a book several years ago, and one of the main characters, when things were falling down around her, said: "life... nothing but more life".
I find myself saying that in my head.
Life is feeling a bit overwhelming right now. I know that eventually it will get better but in the moment it's easy to feel a bit hopeless.
{Note: I'm about to vent. If you get annoyed when people vent, you should probably stop reading now.}
Jay has been having some health issues that make him dizzy and feel faint. (The doctor says it's an inner ear inflammation which can be caused by a virus or allergies or by who knows what.) He took a week off work and didn't end up feeling much better. So, now he's back to work. We are commuting together in his car, partially because he can't drive and partly because my car has become unreliable. I love driving to work together, although it does mean I have to get up much earlier. I've been so spoiled working at home in comfortable clothes for quite some time. Now I'm doing my makeup and actually dressing in work clothes. It's a good change. I'd gotten too lazy.
It really stinks when someone you love isn't well. I've always known that love doesn't involve just doing fun things with someone, but experiencing the emotions that go along with an illness, or the extra work when one person is out of commission... it's taxing. I love this man so much... and seeing him feeling miserable makes me miserable. I'm looking forward to when he is feeling better and life gets back to (sort of) normal.
Back at home, I go through my ups and downs with regard to living in a studio apartment. Two people and their stuff in a small space (we measured recently and it's around 490 useable square feet) is a challenge. We don't have our own washer and dryer or dishwasher... and so normal everyday chores take more time.
I know that someday we will live somewhere with an actual bedroom and a washer and dryer and a dishwasher and a bathtub (seriously, it's so much easier to shave in a tub vs. a shower!)... but for right now, these are things we just can't change.
But, we're trying to focus on the things we can change. I've cleaned out my clothes and am getting rid of some of my favorite things that just don't fit anymore (insert more sad thoughts). We're searching Craigslist daily for a specific bookshelf from Ikea (a white 5x5 or 6x6 'expedit') so that we can divide the room (and maybe have people over without feeling awkward... "welcome to our bedroom everyone!").
Physically, I'm not feeling great. We just finished a diet that had been rather restrictive and I was feeling okay, then we went off it and I'm back to having a stomachache and a headache almost all the time. I hate this. I'm obviously doing something wrong.
I'm working, and doing my photography thing, and trying to be a good wife/daughter/friend... and I'm left feeling like it's just "nothing but more life."
Anyway, that's what's up. And now that I've vented, I feel a bit better.
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