Saying Goodbye

Tomorrow, I'm doing something I'm not looking forward to. I've been debating it for months... and kept putting off making a decision. But, I've given up.

I'm taking Simon and Sedona, the cats I adopted a little over a year ago, back to the shelter in Portland.

Simon

Sedona

Soon after adopting them, I discovered that Simon had special needs and some behavioral problems, despite being an absolutely sweet and cuddly boy. I've spent a year trying to correct his issues, but I haven't made much progress. And, now that my wedding is just a few weeks away, I decided that it's time.

Growing up, all of our cats were pretty 'easy.' They didn't require a lot of extra care and got along just fine. Adopting two adult cats though, without knowing what kind of environment they came from or what their personalities were like, was challenging.

I discovered that Sedona didn't like to be held and acted like she was in pain when I touched her back. Was it a trust issue? I don't know. Eventually she stopped doing that with me, but occasionally still would with visitors. Simon stopped drinking soon after I got him, wouldn't poo in the litterbox, and wanted to be held like a baby all the time. I spent time and money trying to find dry and wet food they liked after weeks of vomiting. Needless to say, I became pretty good at cleaning carpets.

Despite those quirks, I became attached to these two cats. They slept with me in bed every night - Sedona curled at my feet and Simon under the covers, nestled at my side. They were with me when I went through a breakup, and came along with me when I moved back home.

This decision was hard to make. Part of me feels like I'm abandoning them. When I think about them sitting at the shelter, not understanding why they aren't coming back home with me... I start to cry. I feel like a failure. Why couldn't I 'fix' him?

My mom told me to think of it like I provided a foster home for them for a year. That's one year that they weren't in the shelter and they had a good home.

I'm contractually obligated to take them to Portland. But, I don't mind. I have been to that shelter - Animal Aid. It's a very nice place - a home with many volunteers that spend time with the cats. They are meticulous when it comes to researching the background of someone who wants to adopt. They feed them well and make sure the cats have good veterinary care. I know that Simon and Sedona will be taken care of... and they will have each other to cuddle with. That's helping me get through this.

I know that animals don't have feelings like people do. But, my mom trained me to feel this tenderness toward animals. It's something that has stuck with me.

I'm thankful to Jay and my friend Devan, who will be going with me. Although I'm sure tomorrow will be a mess of tears and doubts, I am confident that I am making the right decision.

They'll be okay. And so will I.

Here are a few photos of them during the time that they lived with me. Such cuddlebugs.